I’ve probably wrote before about waking up to see in the news that a girl I’d dropped off at home the night before was abducted by a crazy ex. And, another time, on her birthday, she was date-raped by a co-worker at a party I didn’t attend because I was starting a new job the next morning.
I guess that has always been a source of guilt to me, that I always put work ahead of common sense chivalry. I know there’s more I want to say about this, but not sure how, right now.
I guess the most recent experience I can think of that reminds me of that, is when I was out kayaking with a friend, and after we loaded up, I took off; and immediately started having flashbacks. I decided she was a tough chick who knew how to take care of herself, but that feeling of guilt lingered.
I thought of *that* again, when I went to an outdoor “church” service, where, well, I don’t recall exactly what words were spoken, but I remembered thinking about that, again. Something to do with letting go of your past shame and guilt, probably, and living in a way where you have confidence in knowing you did the right thing, maybe. I dunno. I just know I was caught up in something I didn’t quite understand, and the feeling of guilt I had at not doing everything in my power to make sure things were right. Too many examples in my life to go into tonight.