Thoughts About Thoughts From A Sleepless Night

I had a bad night early this week, where some stuff just kept turning over and over in my mind, and I ended up not getting any sleep. On a parallel note, I’ve been trying to cut down on the amount of beer I drink, so I think I list that as part of the reason I wasn’t able to just knock myself out. In any event, I had some real negative feelings, and I couldn’t just think happy thoughts and get to sleep. Somewhat surprising to me, is I had a good day, despite not having slept the previous night. But it got me thinking about just how powerful negative thoughts are, despite all of the facebook platitudes that make it all so seemingly simple: “you wouldn’t invite a thief into your house, why do you let negative thoughts in your mind?” If only it were that simple.

Another one I like, is “If you knew how powerful your thoughts are, you would never allow yourself to have a negative one.” Yes, yes, it’s all true. If only it were that simple. There is a lot of negative stuff in the world, and while I claim to be an atheist, when I see the evil that exists, I sometimes lean toward believing that *something* is going on that allows that kind of stuff to be. I sometimes think of religion as just a literary way to try to verbalise the battle of good and evil in the world. Sort of the Two Wolves story, – whichever one you feed grows stronger.

I once had an English teacher, (don’t blame him for my poor writing skill, that’s all on me), who once described Love-Hate as not being polar opposites, but two points very close to each other on a circle. I still don’t know what he meant exactly by that, but the imagery stuck with me. Mixed emotions, stuff like that. How can we simultaneously have strong positive emotions that sometimes come with the negative ones?

I’m not really sure where I’m going with this, but I remember after that sleepless night, that I thought I should jot down how I felt. I guess hurt and confused,  maybe. I don’t know why I felt compelled to try to explain it, but there it is.

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